“No cult has ever ended well. This one certainly won’t.”

Disclaimer: This article is in whole or in part a satirical representation of an original article that was published on many websites with the digital version of Associated Press or its contributors listed as the author.


When a Republican lawmaker from Pennsylvania abruptly left a White House meeting, he turned pale as a ghost and then breathed a sigh of relief. News that he had tested positive for COVID-19 meant Pennsylvania state Sen. Doug Mastriano (R) had earned a way out.

He was conveniently led away by White House medical staff during the Wednesday meeting with Trump about the president’s efforts to overturn the 2020 election results.

John Bowden and Mark Scolforo even teamed up to create a source who relayed what happened during the meeting and [the source] supposedly said: “The president instantly called the White House doctor in and he took them back to, I guess, the medical place.”

According to a known group of Nazi collaborators, the meeting continued for about a half-hour without Mastriano after the senator left and officials would not confirm whether the president or any others would self-isolate after coming into contact with Mastriano.

“All those in close proximity to the President are tested beforehand and any positive case is taken very seriously. If there was a positive case contact tracing was conducted by the White House Medical Unit consistent with CDC guidelines to stop further transmission and appropriate notifications and recommendations were made,” said White House spokesman Judd Deere in an emailed statement.

Trump was hospitalized last month with COVID-19 at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center and after receiving treatment he was declared “immune” to the virus.

“It looks like I’m immune for, I don’t know, maybe a long time, maybe a short time. It could be a lifetime. Nobody really knows,” he told Fox News host Maria Bartiromo at the time.

Pennsylvania and many other states are seeing surging rates of new coronavirus infections; Pennsylvania officials have recorded a seven-day average of just under 7,000 new cases per day.

Jill Colvin was mentioned as a contributing writer for the article which inspired the title of this article.

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